Two years ago I was diagnosed with Grave’s thyroid disease. There are many symptoms that go along with this disease, but the one I want to tell you about today is hair loss. I estimate that in about two years I lost almost half the thickness of my hair. It may sound silly, but it is common for women who loose hair to feel devastated, and I was no exception.

In order to give my hair as much help as possible, it was suggested to me by my hairstylist, to take a break from any harsh chemicals, including the coloring of my roots about every 8 to ten weeks. Really?? I have colored my hair for years! L’Oreal ash blonde 100% gray coverage. What would I do without my “blonde in a box?” Still, I wanted to save my hair, so I surrendered.

To assuage my fear I reminded myself that over the last few years the gray in my hair had became more resistant to the color anyway. I had started noticing that just a week or two after coloring, my gray hair (which seemed more and more to be taking up space on my head) would be happily shimmering through in the sunlight! Grrr.  When I stopped coloring I didn’t really know what to expect, but It has been a little under a year now that I haven’t used any color. Little did I know how much gray hair I actually had!

Last March, after trying anti-thyroid meds to control my hyper hormones without success, I decided to have my thyroid removed. Then around May I had another big “shed” because of the abrupt change in my thyroid hormones. I was loosing so much hair that I was a little freaked out I would literally go bald! However in the Fall, (no pun intended) my hair loss tapered off, and now I am seeing lots of hair coming back in. I notice them because they stick straight up out of my head! And…they are gray.

I have decided to run with it for a while to see what I think, so I am a “blonde” transitioning to gray. Right now my hair is about half and half, and you can see a pretty definite line of delineation. I have no doubt loved NOT having the hassle of coloring, but still I have gone back and forth about giving up that box of L’Oreal for good. Here’s why. In our culture, youth is supreme. It is worshiped. Aging is for the old, and none of us want to be old! Myself included! It is a terrible lie that we have embraced. Not only is it a terrible lie, it’s completely vain. Psalms says that gray hair is a crowning glory, or a crown of splendor! What in the world! We are so far away from that idea!

I have often been lovingly corrected by my daughter when talking negatively about myself, especially when my grand daughter is within earshot. She doesn’t like it, and doesn’t want her own daughter to pick up a habit of bad self talk and thinking. I don’t want her to either, so something has to give, and it has to start in my own mind first. My thinking needs to be aligned with God’s ideas; with what he thinks about me. And guess what, he knows exactly how many gray hairs I have, how old I am, and that everyday I am growing just a little bit older. He knows you are, too. The twenty somethings, all the way up to the 100 somethings. All of us.

So what if we have this all wrong? What if this aging thing is something we are supposed to be celebrating? And I am wondering; can this change of thinking start in this aging baby boomer.

Now don’t get me wrong. If you want to color your hair until they put you in your casket, I will not judge you! I promise! Who knows, I may use some color again myself! However, I’m determined it won’t be to give myself a false sense of youth.

My diagnosis of Grave’s has changed my life and my physical appearance. With it came the realization of just how much pressure our culture places on women to be “perfect” and eternally young. It is exhausting to try and turn back a clock that will not run backwards. It’s a silly waste of energy, and ladies and gentleman, I am tired.

It will be a hard habit to break, but from this day forward I am going to try and make a habit of seeing myself as Jesus sees me. I am going to blow dry my half blond half gray hair into the nicest style I can, and put my makeup on over my ever increasing wrinkles. I am going to walk down the stairs and let the gray headed love of my life whistle at me and tell me I look cute…without cringing. I am going to be vibrant and useful, and I am going to memorize the following verse.

Psalm 71:18 “So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come.”

And then I am going to practice living it out before my daughter and grand daughter. And lastly and most importantly, no matter what I think the mirror is shouting at me, I will listen and believe the voice of my heavenly Father who tells me I am his beautiful, silver, shiny girl.